what did i say there??

wait a second..what was that?? did i actually say anything?

i think there must be a mistake..something is not right..

give me back those words, i didnt mean them at all.
i think i might touch down and take off again. im not ready yet. not now.

dont want to hear it, or see it.
i only want to close my eyes and listen to this sound. i ve got to love it, i cant leave it alone. not now.

please leave me speechless. dont ask me why.

Push the BOOK NOW button...

sometimes there s no choice. or maybe there would be if you were looking for one..
but this time there s nothing in my head, not a single feeling.
ok, im coming back, im leaving all this year behind, im going to use the last flight tickets, ill change my money into Euro..no big deal!
im in such a good emotional state that nothing really matter, because things move on, and us with them.
im loving every minute of my trip around Thailand, it is indeed a fantastic place. people are so simple and spontaneous,food is one of the best ever, and its warm, then it rains, but its warm again.

i pushed a magic button and in a second i decided my arrival in spaghetti-land.

be ready..i could be just round the corner next time you walk down the street...

Mindfulness of the Breathing

Prima che le galline cantino,
prima che il sole si svegli,
prima ancora che la natura intorno si renda conto del nuovo giorno.
quando il silenzio sembra dovuto e non proibito.
quando la pioggia, con tutta la sua forza cade, profumando l aria di nuovo, come se il tempo se lo volesse portare via, in ogni goccia.
quando i polmoni respirano il piu lungo dei respiri, e sembrano uscire dal torace, perche anche loro vogliono godersela tutta quella magia.
e gli occhi si riempono di gioia, anche non osservando nulla, perche serrati, perhce non c' e' nulla da guardare, se il resto lo puoi solo sentire dentro.
allora pure l alba sembrera dipinta, anche se in fondo sta solamente seguendo la legge di una natura troppo indulgente, consapevole che non la si puo fermare. non ne si ha mai il tempo.
la si potra rispettare, amare, respirare, toccare, ascoltare.
il suo ciclo non ha un inizio ne' una fine.
nemmeno lei lo sa.
ma cosa importa se in fondo tutto si ripetera ancora, all alba di un nuovo giorno.

the land of contrast..

im having a drink, to celebrate my journey, the one i ve taken, the one i m leaving, the one im going to miss, the journey i lived in the way i needed to.
random pictures of faces, trees, beaches, horizons, eyes that want to see further, and feet that are taking that road.
they make me sad, i d like tomorrow to be my first day all over again, my first day in this land of contrast, this land that didnt give me one single second of nothing.
but it wouldnt be the same. my eyes wouldnt appreciate those places as they did the first time. my heart wouldnt feel that freedom again. my soul wouldn t feel so fullfilled..cuz nothing is never the same.
thanks Aussie.

Simone

Lina, Marie, Chloe and me...all inside Simone!!!

koreans..

Jessica, me and Jina..on my last day at Hans Cafe..

tomato after tomato..

addio Goona Mia!!

l ho salutata, le ho parlato, abbiamo ricordato i momenti che abbiamo condiviso, quegli interminabili momenti di felicita e quelle notti sotto le stelle.
le ho voluto bene come una vera amica, perche per me lo era davvero. era tutto cio che possedevo, cio che mi riparava dal mondo quando non volevo esserci. cio che mi ha tenuto stretta quando avevo bisogno di appartenere a qualcosa..
Goona Mia mi ha accompagnato in posti stupendi e con me ha assaporato ogni sfumatura di questo meraviglioso viaggio.
lasciarla significa anche che questa avventura sta per finire.

le ultime settimane in Oz le passo per il momento a pesare cassette di pomodori..
aspettando in concerto in Brisbane..

Tomato life!

Sono arrivata a Bowen una settimana fa.
Ho trovato una compagna di viaggio, ma nessuno che prendesse il mio posto nella casa a Cairns. Cosi ho regalato il deposito alla padrona (stronza!), che spero spendera con nessun rimpianto nel suo prossimo viaggio in India, ho lasciato il ristorante asiatico mangiando una Laksa Soup che avrei dovuto pagare, mandando a cagare la ex-drag queen e abbracciando forte forte le persone che mi hanno lasciato un gran bel ricordo di quei pomeriggi sotto il sole di Cairns, bevendo smoothies e mangiando Phad Thai.
Goona Mia ha cambiato l olio e sembra essere piu contenta di qualche settimana fa.
Ci siamo fermati a Mission Beach la prima notte, in un campeggio vicino al mare. Abbiamo raccattato un autostoppista tedesco, (scroccone fino all osso) e abbiamo proseguito per Bowen, scaricandolo alla prima spiaggia che ci si e' presentata davanti, augurandogli un buon proseguimento per il viaggio e ripartendo veloci per non poter essere inseguite.
lo stesso pomeriggio abbiamo trovato lavoro in un deposito di pomodori.
abbiamo iniziato la mattina seguente.
il mio lavoro consiste nel fissare un rullo che trasporta pomodori, buttare via quelli marci o quelli con qualche strana malattia, tirare quelli che sono ancora buoni ma non perfetti in un cartone alle mie spalle e lasciare quelli fortunati andare verso la macchina che li mettera in buste di plastica e venduti nei supermercati. un vero rompimento di palle.
la vita in tenda prosegue bene, grazie anche al materasso con il palloncini colorati che mi fa dormire discretamente bene e mi fa sognare di essere al bordo di una piscina con Robbie gia due volte consecutive, chissa cosa capitera stanotte...
ci vuole un bel Iced Coffee al solito Cafe, in cima alla collina ora, prima di mettersi a cucinare sul fornellino a gas il solito minestrone alle verdure e ovviamente una gigantesca INSALATA DI POMODORI!!!!

in silenzio

mi sono resa conto stamattina che per ogni decisione che prendo ce ne sono altre 5 che aspettano in lista, allo stesso tempo. e' come se volessi cambiare tutte le cose in un momento, e tutto finisce per accatastarsi e avere fretta di spostarsi.
ho deciso di ripartire, ho anche deciso di tenere la macchina, dovendo cosi pagare il bollo nuovo che scadeva ad agosto. ho anche deciso di lasciare la casa, ma mi ritrovo a cercare qualcuno che prenda il mio posto o non mi danno il deposito indietro. ho anche deciso di cambiare l olio della macchina. ma voglio cercare il prezzo piu basso. ho deciso di cercare un lavoro nei campi, a raccogliere verdura. ho deciso di tagliarmi i capelli. corti. e di colorarli. ho deciso di non mangiare piu da Hunrgy Jacks. ho deciso che ho bisogno di nuove scarpe. ho deciso che non voglio piu avere una carta di credito in futuro. perche costa un bordello. e non ho un bordello di soldi. ho deciso di farmi un altro tatuaggio. ho deciso di fare davvero quello che penso e non aspettare.

talking in the car all night..

listening to Fort Minor-where'd you go

grazie per ascoltarmi tutta la notte, mentre cerchi di non farmi sentire cosi persa.
per farmi ancora sentire quella persona che ero, e farmi ridere proprio come quella persona faceva una volta.
chissa cosa finira di essere di me, di tutte queste mie assurde presunzioni.
abbiamo parlato di quei giorni che non saranno mai piu gli stessi, perche noi non siamo piu gli stessi, perche ora sappiamo cosa ci fa star male e a cosa cerchiamo di stare lontano. quando invece dovremmo ricordarci di quei giorni e ritornare ad essere chi eravamo. senza pensarci troppo.
abbiamo parlato di cosa ci ha portato qui, persi tra deserti e grattacieli, abbiamo parlato di quello che stiamo cercando, di cosa abbiamo bisogno, di quello che ci manca, di cio che vorremmo avere qui con noi, di cio che abbiamo paura di ritrovare una volta lasciato questo posto.troppo lontano dalla realta.
ho troppe illusioni, troppi traguardi che non vedo l ora di raggiungere. e ho troppe cose qua dentro che ho bisogno di gettare fuori.
abbiamo parlato in macchina, come faccio a Trino con i miei amici. come ho fatto tanti anni fa, parcheggiata fuori a un cimitero, mentre guardando al cielo mi sono resa conto che la vita va vissuta intensamente o non vissuta per niente.

aussie croc!

not to worry mate, he s only having a swim around..

Ayers Rock

Goona Mia made it again..this time to the Big Rock!

Cape Tribulation

another empty beach..

driving windscreen-less!!

on the road from Darwin to Cairns..

Cairns

listening to Overlee ,The Rentals spring is no too far in Queensland. Cairns is a very turistic place. i work in an asian restaurant, doing 12 hours a day, cooking and waiting. i go out with japanese and korean friends. in China leaving the table where you ate in a mess means you enjoyed your food. Korean people eat rice 3 times a day. my boss used to be a drag queen. Goona Mia got a parking fine. i ve been riding a bike since then. i found a room in a shared house. but i miss my tent. i want to leave Australia but i dont want to.

Northern Territory

ho guidato per strade anonime, dove gli aborigeni sembrano non appartenere a niente di cio che e' rimasto della loro terra. dove le macchine che passano dall altro lato ti salutano, e ti tengono sveglia. ho guidato senza musica, senza un grido, senza una voce che mi tenesse compagnia. mentre il Generale seduto di fianco a me, contava i millimetri sulla mappa che ci separavano a Darwin..
ho guidato con in testa mille cose, ma senza pensarci davvero. perche non ho piu voglia di farlo. perche qui la liberta concessa e' enorme, e vorresti avere una regola che ti impedisse di mettere la freccia e girare verso una strada sterrata per scoprire una spiaggia nascosta, o ti vietasse di fermarti e chiamare casa un pezzo di terra rossa che ti accolga per questa notte.

E' passata una settimana da quando sono arrivata a Darwin, ho messo il culo su un vero materasso dopo 3 settimane di camping e ho cercato di trovare un lavoro.
Invece ho incontrato persone con cui andare a Kakadu, un parco nazionale dove i coccodrilli ti stavano a guardare, e non facevano nemmeno troppa paura. dove c'era un posto sopra le roccie dove il tramonto durava ore.
Ripartiro', stavolta verso sud, per Alice Springs.

travelling around WA

camels in Prenti Downs,
National Parks and the Pinnacles in WA.

sempre con me!!

ogni mattina bacio Gattuso e gli dico "Buon giorno".

Broome

sono passate 2 settimane da quando in hangover del dopo partita, ho lasciato Perth per dirigermi a nord.
Nel sedile di fianco il compagno di viaggio dorme, fissa la cartina, mi chiede come si dice "tanti kilometri" in inglese, ritorna a dormire senza nemmeno appoggiare la testa al finestrino.
in 2 settimane pero alcune cose sono successe e mi hanno tenuta sveglia..

Prima di tutto Italia ha vinto i mondiali, cazzo!(e mi sono innamorata di Gattuso!) Ho visto la finale in un campeggio eta media 65, dove il propretario usciva dalla sua casetta di legna ogni 10min e ci chiedeva quanto tempo mancava, e di andarcene a cagare immediatamente dopo. per la sua sfiga invece siamo andati ai supplementari, e ai calci di rigore, una tensione interminabile.
il pubblico al campeggio consisteva di me-con-la-mitica-maglia-del-mercato, Gio' un italiano di Bergamo, 2 francesi ubriachi che all uscita di Zidane sembravano gli avessero martellato cuore 37 volte, 2 australiani che tenevano per la Francia, ma solo per un giusto spirito patriottico dopo la partita rubata qualche settimana prima.
vedere Cannavaro alzare quella coppa e vedere la gioia uscire dagli occhi di tutti in campo mi ha fatto commuovere.."chissa che burdello ci sara' in italia", mi ricordo aver pensato.

Ora a Broome sto cercando l ispirazione..se fermarmi o proseguire. Goona Mia sta perdendo i colpi e la dovro vendere per una lattina di Coca e un mezzo pacchetto di patatine.

non chiedermi come..

..come si fa ad aiutare qualcuno se non ci sono parole in grado di spazzare dall anima la sensazione di essere arrivati al capolinea, senza piu porte da aprire e senza altre alternative?
Li vorrei tutti intorno, ogni giorno, i miei amici, cosi potrei condividere questa vita con qualcuno che mi conosce davvero e non ha bisogno di sapere nulla.potrei condividere esperienze uniche con le persone che amo invece di farlo con sconosciuti. pero sarei incapace di tirarli fuori dal mare di preoccupazioni e sofferenze che una societa, a me aliena, continua a dar loro e questo mi spaventa.
Una persona una volta mi ha detto che non riuscirei a capire quello che la gente vive perche io vivo nel mondo dei balocchi. e mi sa che abbia avuto ragione, il mio mondo dei balocchi e' circondato da paure, paranoie, scelte e incertezze ma in un modo o nell altro si ha una via d uscita. come si fa ad uscire dal mondo reale invece?
vorrei riuscire a trovare una soluzione per quei miei amici che stanno male e che non trovano piu felicita in niente, ma come faccio a farlo? se la mia di soluzione e' sempre stata di non prendere niente di questa vita sul serio? come posso dire loro di ridere quando stanno piangendo? o di rialzarsi se non si sentono piu le gambe per farlo?

e cosa succede quando il Mondo dei Balocchi chiudera i suoi cancelli?
spero ci sia qualcuno che nel frattempo abbia trovato il modo di ridere, levarsi in piedi e dirmi che posso sempre passare dalla porta laterale.

lenzuola blu con palloncini colorati

Ho comprato un materasso di spugna. uno di quelli che usavamo in casa a Galway. tenuto sotto le scale e rispolverato ogni volta che si aveva ospiti. o che non si riusciva a camminare su per le scale e ci si fermava davanti al camino ancora acceso a mangiare crackers e nutella fino alle 4.
ho comprato anche un pezzo di stoffa per ricoprirlo e ho cucito pure l orlo intorno. un lavorone che durera molto poco, ma che nel baule di Goona Mia sembra un vero letto.

Italia 1- Australia 0

non so come' ma nemmeno un pacchetto di Lavazza e un barattolo di Calve' mi fa sentire cosi fiera di essere Italiana come quando invece guardo i mondiali.
Lunedi sera giusto per spirito verdebiancorosso (e soprattutto perche i nervi si facevano sentire) ho aperitivato con 2 Moretti e un take away portoghese..
mi sono diretta verso il maxi schermo e una folla di bandiere blu con stelline bianche cercando di nascondere la mia maglietta da mercato con la scritta "ITALIA football team" dietro una pinta di Extra Dry. Alcuni mi chiamavano "coraggiosa" altri mi segnavano da lontano a amici e conoscenti. io con gli occhi puntati sullo schermo non vedevo l ora di sentire l inno nazionale e cominciare a pregare..ma appena partito un gruppo di 3 italiani timidamente in piedi per onorarlo, ci ha fatto prendere bene, per non essere gli unici 2 a dover prendere gli insulti e con abbracci baci e sorrisi ci siamo uniti per gridare qualche "dai, su cazzo" "che minchia fai?" e condividere commenti che solo noi italiani possiamo tirare fuori tipo"ma che magliette c'hanno addosso" "di dove' l arbirto?" "ma Cannavaro davvero e' gay?"..
le pinte a quel punto erano diventate caraffe di Extra Dry, i nervi sempre piu tesi, non tanto per la partita stessa ma perche se ci prendavamo un gol avrei dovuto togliermi di dosso la maglietta del mercato e trovare cosa mettermi per tornare a casa..
Azioni 0. Tiri 0. a questo punto non me ne fregava nulla della partita in se. era solo lo spirito di essere italiana, in Australia e vedere all improvviso gli occhi di Totti ingiganditi sul maxi schermo, mentre fissa la porta. il tiro. il gol.
poi dopo un nano secondo di silenzio..le grida. di 5 pazzi che si alzano in piedi, saltano, si abbracciano, gridano e saltano, si abbracciano, gridano ancora piu forte. dopo 3 minuti di pura follia mi guardo intorno. il silenzio pesante cadeva su ogni singolo tavolino, ogni singola bandiera blu con le stelline bianche, su ogni pinta di birra, su ogni palloncino a forma di canguro. teste basse, tra le mani che non ci credevano. altri 2 minuti e la folla era diventata un gruppo di 5 persone che continuava a emanare euforia.
ho cominciato a chiamare il mondo. mi dissero il giorno dopo che l unica cosa che dicevo al telefono era "abbiamo vinto, cazzo. abbiamo vinto" senza nemmeno rendermi conto che un rigore rubato aveva procurato tanta nevroticita'.
la notte trascorse a bere e a festeggiare. gli australiani mi abbracciavano, senza un insulto. senza una frase che parlasse della partita. tutto si era gia dimenticato e tutti avevamo solo voglia di divertirci. ci fossero stati 5 australiani a un Bar Sport in Italia sarebbero stati completamente mangiati vivi. pure le loro maglie del mercato e i canguri gonfiabili.
ho aperto la porta della mia camera all ostello alle 10.30. mentre la gente nel corridoio era pronta per il check out.
una gran bella serata. che rimarra nella mente per un bel po.
chissenefrega di una partita dei Mondiali dove i nomi dei giocatori mi sembrano sconosciuti .. quello che importa e' che lo spirito nazionale ce' ancora e Totti, che parlava di fare il cucchiaino mi fa ancora pisciare addosso nella pubblicita delle Pringles quando esordisce "ah passame er Prin'ghels.."

Goona Mia

She s bringing me everywhere. she s giving me shelter on these Aussie rainy days. she s sharing breakfast in bed and dinners under the stars with me. she s giving me good nite kisses every nite before i fall asleep. she s keeping up with my restless schedule. she laughs at me when i start talking by myself and i tell bikers to fuck off the road. she s so hot i would do anything to be a car myself. but she said she s happy, she s single and happy. and i opened a stubbie of Extra Dry and i told her "damn fucking right"!

Prenti Downs, Central Australia

The desert is a peaceful place. Its where one can feel lost in the middle of the earth.
Its so vast one might feel frightened but there nothing stopping your thoughts strecthing as much as they can toward the endless horizon.

up above

i would look for those people that feel out of place,
those lost souls that are looking for a direction.
i would search for those eyes that are trying to tell the world someone put them on this planet but its not theirs.
i would go looking for all those people that cannot see any other way out from a circle of stupid lies and broken glasses.
i would take them high, so high that nobody would be able to reach them and i would let them float on air. free to move around the sky until they find their spot, where to fit in, where they can lay for a while and find themselves again.
i want to make them see how big this world is and how many little places are there above their heads, hidden from everything they are running away from.
i want to fly with them above all this fog of thoughts and unspoken truth.
i want to raise and never touch the ground again.
cuz someone put me on this earth but its not my place. its not where my dreams are going to shine.its not what my heart wants to listen. its not how I want to survive.

Woodanilling!

i was sent in exile. after failing to accomplish the hard task of keeping up with the fat guy by drinking Emu Bitter every afternoon at beer o'clock!
i was sent to Woodanilling, to work in a pub built in 1908 and still looking every inches like one century old.
The village counts less the 90 inhabitants and all of them own a farm.
I do a bit of cleaning, cooking and pulling beer, and in exchange i get to know how to count the score at darts, how to cook a kangaroos tail, how vicious a rooster can be and how long it takes to seed the whole farm land..interesting..!
so much that i m leaving tomorrow to discover the south coast, driving my Goona Mia to lovely places and hopefully find someone to have a proper chat with (that would not involve cows, seeding, dirty jokes and terrible sense of humor)..

Cow power!!

i think one day all the cows of this world will muuuuuu to one another and will plan a cow revolution..
i m sure they must be so fucking sick and tired of being treated in the same ways for million of years and eaten or milked by generations and generations..
i can see it in their eyes they have had it!!

i m a little useless on the mustering front..but the boss said he cant let me go because of my culinary skills..ohhhh grazie mama!!!
im in Northam right now, but ill be heading to the outback again on my Cow Mission at the end of May.
I found a name for my car, Goona Mia that means Crappy House in aboriginal.
i will update my blog properly another time, when im not dying for a piss..

Dunn Rocks

It was the end of the summer.

The big mission was camp around the fire for 3 nights and 4 days.
It was collecting woods, fishing our dinner, drinking blocks of beers, contemplating the sunset from sand dunes, swimming in the ocean first thing in the morning, and being there.
The only thing that i ve got left is this tremendous feeling of freedom. in my heart and in my mind.
I remember looking at the flames dancing in the bonfire and wondering how it would be like if that was the life i led. it would be a totally different story. because in that world there was nothing else but what i had. and nobody else but those who were part of it.

Esperance

Yesterday afternoon while looking for a place to stay around Esperance, i run into a guy that i had met couple of weeks before at the roadhouse. The 3 of them were passing by the desert and spent one nite in Baladonia and we had a great laugh while i was working at the bar.
So i ended up meeting them in the afternoon for a drink. That then became 2. Then 4. Then couple of games at pool. Then more cans back at the camp site where they were staying and finally went to sleep in their car for the nite.
We all woke up with sore heads but we made it to the closest beach to check out waves..no surfing was involved but we kept staring at the waves..then we moved to the lookout..looking at the beaches around Esperance for another while..(wonderful) and we spent the rest of the afternoon fishing at the pier where I got my first fish!!!!!!!

it was a pure lazy day. but it was fun.
and i moved to the camp site too. i used my tent for the first time since my interail in italy back in 2003 and my arse will be freezing tonite..but its all good!!

nullarbor desert

Back to civilization!!
Not that i couldnt wait for that, but its damn weird!!!
I left the desert behind me this morning, a gas truck was heading south to Esperance and i got in the lift right to town.
The last week has been pretty fun, 4 new people arrived to work there, (3 were irish and my heart sunk) i ve spent most nites working at the bar where all the road workers and truckers ended up and i shared with them few "stubbies", few sigarettes and plenty of dirty jokes..(i could only get the beginning, but i could never really get the end, so i only faked the big laugh..)..i even borrowed one of the guy s car one day and went up and down the high way with the other girls for hours, just pissing ourselves laughing.
It s all over now, back on travelling!
Im in Esperance right now.
Ill be heading towards the coast in the next couple of days..

off to the Outback!!

Sydney, with 2 girls i met on a bus. and then met again by chances on the street.Emma is the girl on the right. (sorry i didnt get the chance to take a pic to the danish porn star..)
Here, we are having a toast, to our unknown Australian future!!

Off we go!!
I found a job, and its right in the outback..its a little place called Baladonia.
Here s a pic taken while crossing the desert on the plane ride from Sydney to Perth, so i guess it will look somehow like this..pretty much, bush more, bush less!
I hope i will be able to let you know how things are going on, its in a road house, there will be plenty of people passing by, tourists, lunatics, serial killers, kangaroos, more lunatics, more kangaroos..and me making all those people a good auld breakfast before getting on the road again..

I had 2 courses meal today, Manuel arrived in Perth yesterday and to honour our italian roots (mine at this stage look like those from a rotten daisy) we had to have a good pasta and tomato dish, and fish with potatoes and broccoli..(not much of an italian dish but its good too)
My poor stomach wasnt able for it at all. I actually heard him saying from down there :"this doesnt taste like noodles..whats going on??" and it has been sick for the last 5 hours.

ill keep ye up to date as soon as i can.

Surfin' in NSW!!!!

here i am..riding the waves like a mad thing!!
it was one of the best day so far and i really enjoy all the hard job..
and now almost a week later i am still recovering from a sore throat, a nasty cold, muscle pain and a bruised knee...(i must have been so run down)..but IT WAS WELL WORTH IT!!

Mardi Gras!!

I arrived in Sydney right after Mardi Gras parade had kicked in..it has to be a sign!

I ve been here almost a week already and this city rocks!
I ve met Emma that left her cushy job to follow whatever her soul was telling her.and she is now travelling around Australia with a backpack and a big smile on her face..
I ve met a homeless painter that sells aboriginal draws at 20$ and if he was called Dali he wouldnt be homeless anymore..
I ve met a canadian girl that brought me to a Mardi Gras party and we had a fantastic time.
I ve met a french surfer that tought me how to stand on a surf board.(and i kicked asses)
I ve met a graphic designer that asked me out on a open air cinema date.(i said yes, by the way)
I ve met a swedish guy that was desperatly looking for a job, i asked him if he had a working Visa and he said he is a porn star and he doesnt need one..!(good point!)

all and all things are going good..and i heard a new NoFx song yesterday..

Queenstown!

Yeah Queenstown is weird, its a little alpine village, with a beautiful lake, surrounded by mountains..but its freezing!
I decided to leave NZ, in few hours ill be heading to Sydney, and given that i decided to do so about 3 hours ago, i still dont know if i m forgetting something..(maybe it would be a good idea to print my bank account statement to prove i m well off and i can afford to stay over for another 2 weeks..)
..ill let you know if i will have to sing "Misunderstood" to the airport police officer while trying to find my Visa print out in my back pack..ahahah

..mmm i think i prefer Lambrusco, to be honest!!

wine tasting in Hawkes Bay, Napier, NZ

8 hours tramping..finally the proof!!

Tangariro crossing..(Turangi, North Island NZ)..

non so se si possa descrivere questo mio stato d animo, e nemmeno ho voglia di cercare le parole adatte, mi lascio trasportare da quella voce che non mi da tregua e che continua a bisbigliare.a volte mi fa stare male ma continuo ad ascoltarla.non dovrei a volte.riesce ad essere cosi brusca a volte, non fa caso a come mi possa sentire a volte. crede di essere invincibile, e che il dolore deve essere imbottigliato e chiuso ermeticamente, senza che nessuno lo possa sentire. o capire!
non ci sono risposte che mi alzano da questo letto di fantasie, non permetto ai raggi del sole di asciugarmi. eppure sono completamente fradicia. come faccio a non accorgermene? e quando lo faro' come posso fare per ammetterlo?

a volte tutto intorno gira cosi veloce che riesco solo a chiudere gli occhi in tempo per non cadere.
a volte invece lascio che i rumori e i colori intorno scompaiano, e entro nel vortice e mi lascio centrifugare.

Get out of here!!

My weekend in Wellington started wonderfully having to pay twice for my bus ride!(not cheap)!
Then, if that wasnt enough, once in the capital, i checked in the hostel with the biggest dorm in the world (20people), the public phone down the road swallowed 5 dollars while trying to call home, nobody around the city would trim my hair for less than 50$ (i went mad one day and i cut it myself and now i need a fix..ops!..thats why i dont post any photos..), i broke my skate board (i did shed a tear)and now i ve been told i will have to pay 50$ at the airport to change my flight ticket, dated 21st Feb, when it was supposed to be free.Cazzo!i need to get out of here.
So, the plan is now get a good (and free!) sleep at the airport, have a good peanut butter sandwich and keep smiling!!!

what do i really want right now???

well, the list is endless and, at times, a little private, but last nite, after staring at the guy snoring in front of me for a good hour, i came up with a list of things i would have love to be doing or having right at that moment (it was like counting sheep jumping over the fences..the difference is that i got a bit carried away and i was more awake than when i started)
A private bathroom for at least 2 hours. with tons of toilet paper, clean showers, crispy dry towel and million of bubbles!!(just cuz is a wish list!),A single bedroom for one night. no farts in the middle of the nite, no fat guys snoring, no smelly socks, no 3am lights on and drunken germans getting in an out, no alarm clock going off at 6am, no packing the bags in the morning without knowing what you are throwing in..ect ect,a massive buffet (all you can eat, for free). the menu would include: Maria's tortilla de patata, Sonia's pumpkin soup, betta's gnocchi, mum's tiramisu, ambro's pizza, broth's John Wayne's beans, Brian's (frozen)garlic pizza bread and Tesco's hazelnut creamy yoghurt, Giunny's tapas, Juan's salads(with lots of bread),Giovanni's mum's veggie lasagne, Polo's bagna cauda ...ect ect, and go back to Rotorua smelly hot thermal spa overlooking the lake with all my friends ..and have the craic!!

East Cape!

The North Island Adventure is goin on, this time by east.
It took me 3 days to go all over the peninsula, stopping by at Hicks Bays (where i took this pic).
Beaches are just empty, the whole place is so remote that you wonder what the world would be with no humans around..(i wont tell you what my answer would be, although most of you know it already).
I returned to Turangi last nite, and today i walked the Tangariro Crossing (1860mt, 7 hours of hiking).. pics will be next.
internet is still dear as hell, and if it wasnt because this morning i found a pot of Nutella on the free food shelve, i would have felt a bit down..(eating porridge and kiwi every morning is not what i call "a good start".
the plan for the next few days is looking for a lift toward Napier and some village in the middle of vineyard..
ill keep ye posted.

hey guys, thanks for the emails, they really keep me up when my own company is becoming unbearable..i really love ye all!!

summer days in Auckland!!

(that s what i mean by "sticking my tongue out.."


..and someone dares jump from this height with a rope wrapped around their waists...Crazy!!!

The "City of sails" is a nice old city..
I spent the first 2 days getting drunk with some swedish crazy people and going to tour trips around the city in the early mornings..good stuff!!
Then left society, cars and Sky Tower for 3 days and went up, up, up the north around Pahia and visited some amazing places..reminded me of Ireland, but with a lot more sun!!
Im going to head down east tomorrow, to visit some maori friends of mine at their villages, and dance around, sticking my tongue out here and there..

kia orana!!

..i stared at those tiny atolls lying in the very middle of the Pacific Ocean while flying above them and i couldnt help but thinking how far we were was from everything else..

Cook Islands have been fantastic!! 4 days out of 5 were rainy, but it didnt really matter to me, i got burned anyway..
that island was like paradise to me, going snorkelling near the shore and spotting beautiful fish.. enjoying a real mango picked from a tree, drinking water out of a "nu", getting lifts to town by the local maori and watching women making flower crowns at the local shop..well, its something out of this world..especially the local maori..they are big, man!
included on the list of things i wouldnt do again: taking the local bus, having had the brilliant idea of exploring the south of the island at around 7.30 pm and suddenly realizing is pitch dark by 8..i was left by the side of the road in the middle of Rarotonga, by a quite amused bus driver, trying to convince myself that there must have been some "cornen shop" opened around there..learning that the biggest of the Cook Islands doesnt have a damn corner shop, nor lights at the sides of the main road, nor tourists silly enough to be seen walking for a full hour before reaching the "city centre".. (but then again..its me...there must be a story to tell every time)

after being reunited, me and Colm (still everyone we meet think we are a couple)..(he doesnt know what to do anymore to flick his head back when laughing in a more camp manner)have reached Auckland..in a super cool hostel in front of the Sky Tower..no kidding!!

photos will be next..

Mexico!!!

I left San Francisco and headed to Santa Barbara.
It was 4.10am when the bus arrived to my destination and soon i figured out nothing was opened at that time, especially the hostel i booked the nite in.
I was walking along the rail tracks-for only few metres-and i met a man that because doesnt have a home himself was wondering around Santa Barbara like me. He told me the only place i should go was a cafe nearby that opens up at 6.30am.
so he walked me there and we had this great conversation about Britney Spears living up the hill from there, Neverland was also few miles away and all the politics about that snobby place that is full of avocados and fancy shops.

Santa Barbara, he was so right, wasnt great, but after the first nite i went to different villages around there and really liked the area.
Saturday night, after a long night travelling along the coast, i arrived at San Diego.
The hostel was in Ocean Beach and i really wished i went more often with Manuel to ride those Valencian waves and learnt how to do it..i ve never seen such strong and scary waves as the ones in Ocean Beach. We headed to downtown San Diego with a swedish guy that told us we should go to the bar where Top Gun-well, a scene from it- was shot.
So, there we were, trying to remember which scene it was..good old craic!!

Yesterday morning then, we decided to go south instead of going straight to LA, and we found a place 1 hour away from Tijuana, called El Sauzal, in Mexico where fish tacos are sold on the side of the street for something like $1 and where the waves are even higher and cooler than Ocean Beach.ah!
thats all for now.
besos from Mexico!!!

above: my new resolution for 2006(..beside learning to surf..)..get badly hurt riding a skate board..will i manage??

..San Francisco, i ll be back

leaving Frisco has been hard.
leaving behind all those hills.
leaving Frisco, because i gotta go!

alcatraz

Alcatraz is the only place where you could truly understand the meaning of the world "freedom"!!
you are trapped in this beautiful island, and all you can look at from the island is the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco and its high buildings and there is where you should be. Walking freely along those streets. Climbing hills. Having a place to go to.

mission Fatty: FAILED!

..i thought that being Monday it would have helped to find him..

walked around Pier Spear for around 45 minutes..looking like a desperate girl in need of metadone..and no sign of Fat Wreck.
i didnt have any luck and i guess i ll have to give up..

but i headed to Hemlock Tavern tonite(wearing brian s T-shirt,my new creepers and a funny hair band..couldnt find the serious one, meaning: i looked a right mess..Brian, nothing to do with your T-shirt) and the place (a part from the shaggin act that was going on in the ladies toilet..)was alright; the music was on full blast and althought i didnt know any of the bands that the dj played, it was a good place to hang out for my couple of bevvies!!

Tomorrow im thinking of heading to some places outside San Francisco, out in the country side..and for my last nite out we have organized a karaoke nite around the Italian district. let s rock and roll..!!!

now, its leaba time!

mission: find Fatty and apology for that Milan concert last summer.

..i ve found a new goal to achieve..
the last one was finding a pair of Creepers, a lower pair..and i bought them today..!i think i m not able to have proper relationships with people cuz im way too hyper buying stuff like this than chatting someone up or keep up the whole thing..
..but anyways..
my new goal now is finding Fatty and personally apology on behalf of the whole italian population for the worse crowd they played in Milan last summer.
By chance i found myself at a house party last nite, chatting about San Francisco and bands from the City..and guess what? the girl started talking about NoFx and ended up giving me the address of Fat Wreck in town.."you should call up and say hi to the guys" she says..
...im ready.."Please forgive all those Ska-P fans assholes that ruined your gig, im really sorry but we are not all like that..and you are hot Fatty, and i think you ve lost a lot of weight..how did you do??and tell me, why you think Monday is your favourite time of year? and who s Bob? can you call me "your Lori"..

wish me luck..

Frisco is the place to be!!

..the whole scenario is funny, or at least I find it hylarious..!!
there s a sign over the crossing sign of the train rails saying "call 1-302, 1500 suicides per year"..they are even helping you overcome the crazy intention you might have of jumping under a train..isnt it mad?? and if you think of getting away with paying 6.50 for some fish and chips at Pier 39 at Fisherman's Wharf, think again..10% is going to be taken for taxes, and you are supposed to leave at least $1 on tips..do you really think is cheap now??and what about the fact that going up and down the hill is not the best way to explore the City when wearing your so loved Brothel s Creepers, San Francisco in January is kinda chilly, donuts are the most fattening things i ve ever eaten, nothing in a bottle of orange juice, butter, marmelade, cheese, milk is actually natural, and the toilet in Chinatown reastaurants are usually on the back, virtually beside the kitchen..despite all of these little details i m in love with San Francisco..i absolutely adore everything about it!!
well, no kidding..i wish i could stay there longer and live this City properly..
but, hey, i think im going to head down to LA next week , and check out if Robbie is having a party down there, or maybe he d rather go for a quite drink..you know this super star..they are never happy!!!
..i keep seeing around these guys that look alike El Hefe..crazy!!

Im here, alive and kicking..
no more to say!

me last stout and chips.

oh well..
i think the moment has arrived!!!
in about 3 hours we will get up, look at each other, pick our backpacks from the hall and catch a taxi straight to the airport (at that point ill have experienced 4 panick attacks already..!)
today Dublin was rainy, damp and silent.
i had my last proper Guinness, chips wrapped up in sheets of paper and said my goodbyes to the people i m leaving in Dublin.
that s all i have to say i guess..or like Adam would say "i guess i should"!!

the final week!!

..sometimes we just need to stop finding the right way to live things, sometimes we just need to sit back and watch how things turn out to be at the end.
so, for that same reason, im after discovering that the best times you can live are concentrated in the final week before one leaves for a year, friends turn out to be there just when you need them, to listen and finally understand what you tried so hard to tell them about you for all those years, new friends suddenly become those that seem like you know for ages and they can magically find out what exactly you are like.
this last week before leaving is scary,man, it happened to me 3 times already, within couple of months and it must stop.
maybe its the only time when you just give the right importance to things because you know they ll be over soon, no point taking the piss, lying to yourself and others and making your head go mad just for a few messed up emotions.
maybe its the only time you are being yourself for real, you act normally, you are not expecting anything to happen, you treat people with the right amount of love and hate and you tell them what you really think about them.
..but then things happen anyway, even when you are not expecting them, and its typical..

for this very reason, well tonite i went for a indian meal, instead of a coffee.
and i m happy to leave with all these things going well, and maybe its time to leave the house now, or B.is going to hit me with the drum stick, and then call me fucking wog, start putting up that weird accent trying to take the piss out of me, eating some left overs of our garlic pizza party from the nite before, play some music pretending to know what he s doing and then finally go out without me..maybe i d just enjoy it so much that ill keep him wait another few minutes..ahahah

Happy 2006!!

..i never gave a flying f$%* about New Years Eve..
this year i did exactly what i said i wouldnt have done. Just to see if it was really that bad ignoring your inner self and following the flow.. IT WAS INDEED!
Blame it on the fact i only had a scabby smoked salmon sandwich all day, blame it on the generous amount of Guinness drank, blame it on whatever it s said in these circumstances, well, the result was: i went to a crowded pub, with complete strangers and i got HAMMERED!

i woke up on sunday, (being "that" very same time of the month by the way..lucky me!), started to puke at around 12am, just the seconds after thinking "God, i finally learnt how to drink moderately, good girl";didnt stop until around 18pm, and while my 2 cold fingers were working hard down my throat, i suddenly noticed a telephone number written on my hand..

!!!!!Flash back moment!!!!!


i ve spent part of that never ending day looking for explanation, and to this day still, nobody can give me one!!
If that was the number of the guy i ve met that night, the good looking one,the one that bought me drinks, the one that had a girlfriend beside him all night, that girlfriend who asked me if i, by any chance, fancied her boyfriend, well, if by pure chance that is his number..why the hell did he give it to me?

in Italy we say " On the new year, you will be doing the same things you were doing on the last day of the year"
..so does that mean:
1-ill be puking all year long?
2-ill be drinking?
3-ill be keeping no having a clue what guys do?
3-ill be flirting with occupied guys?
4-ill be given dirty looks by girls that are occupied with the guys i flirt with?
5-ill be simply keeping up my happy/single/dangerous status??

..Happy New Year everyone!!!